Let these funny mother jokes lighten your load with a load of laughter. Moms get a lot of grief, but without them where would we be? Nonexistent!
Funny Mother Jokes
Group 1
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, “Not yet, but we placed an ad.”
– Dana Snow
My mom from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she’s sentimental. She just gets really far behind in her laundry.
– Brian Kiley
When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’, it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
– Erma Bombeck
Mothers are more fond of their children than fathers because mothers are more certain the children are their own.
– Aristotle
MEDIUM: I sense a presence, but I’m not sure if it’s your mother.
DISEMBODIED VOICE: Looks like you’ve gained some weight. And you’re so pale—don’t you get any sun?
ME: It’s her.
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
Funny Mother Jokes
Group 2
My mom is a neat freak. If she adopted a highway, she’d mop it once a week.
– Daniel Liebert
My mom thinks coupons are money, and gives them for gifts.
– Jane Warren
A 3-way? No thanks. If I wanted to disappoint two women at once, I’d go out to lunch with my mom and ex-wife.
– The Nerd @drunknerdpro
“You were always very normal, really average at everything you did.” My mom, complimenting me.
– Lurk @ Home Mom @LurkAtHomeMom
I have trouble telling women my feelings. I think it gets back to the first time I told my mom I loved her. I said, “I love you, Mommy.” And she said, “Slow down. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. You’re going way too fast.”
– Mike Rubin
I’m very loyal in a relationship, all
relationships. When I’m with my mom, I don’t look at other moms and
think: “I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like?”
– Garry Shandling
Funny Mother Jokes
Group 3
My mother and I had different attitudes about sex. She said, “Whatever you do, don’t sleep with a man till he buys you a house.” Well, it worked for her. And I got a swing set out of the deal.
– Judy Brown
My mother is 60, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. She won’t tell me who.
– Wendy Leibman
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least that’s what he told us in the letter.
– Drew Carey
My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
– Buddy Hackett
Motherhood: Powered by love. Fueled by coffee. Sustained by wine.
– Unknown Author
The term ‘working mother’ is redundant.
– Erma Bombeck
This Might Just Save Your Party…
Funny Mother Jokes
Group 4
Instead of saying hello, my mom gets on the phone and says, “Guess who died?”
– Dom Irrera
My
mom, she wakes me up at 6:00 in the morning and says, “The early bird
catches the worm. “ If I want a worm, Mom, I’ll drink a bottle of
tequila.
– Pam Stone
My mom taught me everything I needed to know: don’t talk to strangers, don’t pay retail, and the size of your hair should always match the size of your ass.
– Stephanie Schiern
If you’re looking for a way to piss off your mother, here’s what I suggest. Next time you’re driving with your mom, stop in from of the local strip joint. Put the car in park and say, “I’ll be right back. I just have to go in and pick up my check.”
– Julie Gold
I’m not ignoring mothers, I just can’t decide if it’s Mother’s Day, Mothers’ Day, or Mothers Day.
– Just Bill @WilliamAder
Nothing is really lost until mom can’t find it.
– Unknown Author
Funny Mother Jokes
Group 5
My mom just wrote her autobiography. Pick it up. It’s in the stores right now. It’s called, “I Came, I Saw, I Criticized.”
– Judy Gold
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
– Richard Jeni
My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting, and she’d let me lick the beaters. Then she’d turn them off.
– Marty Cohen
My mom is so neurotic. She puts down toilet paper on the seat even at our relative’s house, at the dinner table.
– Wendy Liebman
I hope all my blood tests come back as negative as my mother is.
– Kate Mason
The reason I don’t call my mother more often is that I get tired of her complaining that I never call.
– Melanie White
Funny Mother Jokes
Group 6
My mom
is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything.
Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones
glass off a kitchen table. She said, “Well dammit, we can’t have nice
things.”
– Paula Poundstone
When my mother writes out her income tax return every year, under “occupation,” she writes, “Eroding my daughter’s self-esteem.”
– Robin Roberts
Mom, I was gonna give you an all expenses paid, first-class trip to Hawaii for Mothers Day, but I knew how much you’d miss me and I just couldn’t put you through that kind of agony.
– Unknown Author
How is it that my mother can’t see well enough to thread a needle, but she can see right through me?
– Melanie White
A good woman would rather be the mother of a genius than the wife of a hero.
– Gelett Burgess
Need more Mom Humor? Go here:
Funny Mother Quotes
Mothers Day Jokes
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